Friday 21 April 2017

BEDTIME ENGLISH LESSONS


Reading bedtime stories to a 5-year old can be a challenging activity. Notwithstanding the hour of the day, it is often sprinkled with an unexpected epiphany.

As she moves into junior school, our daughter has come to accept that English spellings are more easily memorised than deciphered. With myriad spellings for phonetically similar words. And our parenthood has crossed one major milestone with that! However, before I could rejoice crossing one speed-bump of English literature, I seem to have encountered another one – Metaphors.

One night last week, we were reading couple of short fables from Aesop’s stable. I was about to conclude the second story and kiss my little girl goodnight, when she suddenly stopped my narration midway – the fox had gobbled all the chickens after entering the house by disguising himself as the mother hen. Really!

“What happened, love?”, I asked. I am accustomed to these interludes that sometimes become digressive.

“Daddy, I have a question.” I sensed a very digressive observation emerging. It was already past 11.

I took a deep patient breath. “Yes love, what do you want to know?”

“Why do we say – as cunning as a fox? Or – stupid as a donkey? Or say – slow as an elephant?”

“What exactly do you mean, sweetie?”. Frankly I wasn’t sure this was a simple question meriting a simple reply.

“I mean, foxes eat chickens, right? And donkeys are just hardworking animals that lift heavy stuff? And elephants are sooooo big. If they were to run or even walk fast, then everyone around would be soooooo scared, right?”

“Uh, yeah that is right, love. So… ?”

“So... my point is… all these animals are doing what is natural to them. Then why do we call the fox cunning? He’s not cunning. He’s simply getting his lunch. No?”. She looked expectantly at me.

I had two options. I could nod in agreement and she would be most likely satisfied. Only because it was end-of-day and she did look tired and sleepy. But I didn’t exercise that option.

The conscientious father inside me rose to this new challenge.

With as much brevity as possible, I embarked on a treatise on the pecking order in this world. How we are at the top of the food chain and all that. How our tiny brain outweighs the size of the heaviest animals and birds. How we are the most intelligent (and therefore arrogant too) species and don’t treat the planet well always. How we rule this world with our minds and often treat every other being as lesser. And that is why we label all animals with behaviour that we approve or disapprove of. Not because those animals really display such traits. But because we use them as examples. Examples to teach children (like her) of what’s right and what’s not.

“But, we are humans and we must never forget that with great power comes great responsibility (when she grows into superhero fandom, she will know where that line came from!). We must always remember that all species, except us, still live as they did since they came on Earth. Whatever they do is to follow the natural law. However, we human beings have developed in so many ways that are not good. And we do many things for wrong reasons. But, that you will learn about, as you grow up. In fact, since we are the smartest, we should always think kindly of all other animals, birds and plants (being an Indian dad means imparting a life-lesson at every opportunity). You know, take care of them. Have you understood, sweetie?”

She looked a bit lost. “Yes daddy. I understood. But… you know what I think?”

“Yes, tell me…”

“I think the fox did what he had to do. His tummy was growling, no? And he should eat something. My mother says you are hungry if your tummy growls. Even we eat chicken. So obviously, the fox too would want to eat chicken. Right?”

“Uh… right”

“The fox was not cunning. I think, the mother hen shouldn’t have left the door open. She was silly in doing that. So, we should actually say – as silly as a hen.”

  



Wednesday 3 August 2016

MAGIC, TALKING DOLLS AND PUPPETS - IT'S PARTY TIME


As Baani’s birthday draws closer, there is considerable excitement around the impending party. The list of friends coming over is pretty daunting. Over twenty 4, 5 and 6-year olds will play, fight, cry and laugh in our little castle on that evening. Friendships will be broken and new ones will be forged. Some of the new ones will not last beyond the party. A children’s birthday party is like watching a comedy, horror, thriller, action, drama (lots of it) and sometimes, old-world platonic romance – all rolled into a 3-hour unrehearsed motion picture. I daresay if one were to shoot it and do a reasonable job of editing, it would give the regular Hollywood stuff a run for their money.
Do you feel like this too when hosting your kid’s birthday celebrations?

Carrots and sticks are being linked to the party, now almost on a daily basis. ‘If you do this, then there no party’, ‘If you don’t do this, then no party’. All of which graduate often to adding the prefix - ‘Once more..’. Of course these prove to be rather lame, and mostly ineffective, ways of disciplining. Suni and I concur that we should cease these attempts. But being a parent is becoming a harder habit to break, with each passing day!

Magicians, ventriloquists and puppeteers are becoming part of my new social circle. We want to get one of these guys to Baani’s party. I don’t know about how much the kids will really enjoy (if only they’d pay attention!) but I sure am looking forward to it J I must have seen probably couple of these as a child at the birthday celebrations of my more affluent classmates. Today, they are quite commonplace. And hence almost a must-have at a kiddie party.


I love magic. Any kind. Even the silly unbelievable stuff they show in Hollywood flicks. You can then imagine what live magic would feel like, for me! I think the reason boys grow up loving Star Wars and Superhero films, is due to the element of the unreal, the magic. It is also the same reason why girls love chick-flicks and stories of knights-in-shining-armour (shining suits in today’s times). Men like those are just as much a fantasy J

What is the kind of magic you love the most? I love the sleight-of-hand stuff!

I have always been fascinated by ventriloquists. In fact, as a child, I once tried hard to throw my voice. Literally. So, when I was alone, I would stick my neck out and say something. With practice, I convinced myself that my voice sounded like it came from the place I was trying to throw it to. Or, throw it from? Hmmm. I am not sure.
Anyway, I experimented my newly acquired talent on my younger brother. He had a bewildered look on his face, like I had gone looney. ‘Acting like a pigeon’, he said, shaking his head in resignation. That was the first and only time I threw my voice. Being a boy, I have thrown many things and some people too, after that. But never my voice again.

Have you ever seen a ventriloquist perform live? It is an amazing experience, especially if it’s got a lot of gags J
I have never actually played with puppets. But Baani’s doll collection is no less than an entire puppet cast. Which she plays with often and includes me into it. Imagine a petite doll in a cute pink skirt, blonde hair, blue eyes and a lovely shy smile, that sounds like a man in his mid-thirties! But that doesn’t deter Baani from assigning me a role and even scripting the dialogues for me (that part quite annoys me... you know, no artistic freedom and all that!).

Over the years, I have seen several types of puppet shows, ranging from rural Indian to Western to unique ones like shadow and silhouette shows and even televised ones like Fraggle Rock.  I have enjoyed each one of them thoroughly, fascinated by the dexterity with which the puppeteer moves each of his subjects. When dancers perform on stage in mimicry of a puppet show, I invariably judge them on their puppet-like resemblance.
I don’t think we will have a puppet show though, for the birthday party. It takes mature, attentive and patient minds to appreciate the beauty in such a performance. I am quite sure that is a tall ask from all the cute little hooligans who will descend on our house on the day of the party J

So, it will be one of the two – magic or ventriloquism. We shall soon zero in on one of the two.
Finally, after so many years, I will be watching a magic show, live. Or hear voices emerging from stuffed dolls around the room. It’s going to be so much fun and I am very excited about it!

Wednesday 20 July 2016

DADDY LEARNS A LESSON IN CONFLICT MANAGEMENT

I was home early one day last week. Had taken the day off from work and spent the afternoon working out of a Starbucks. I am developing a weakness for the hot version of their Mocha-cookie-crumble (sigh). Not that, that was the reason I was there! I was researching on something online and the free wi-fi was a big help. After spending a few hours boring into the laptop screen, I decided to shut work for the day and head home.

It is a pretty nice feeling to be home before sundown. You know, when I can stand in my balcony and look far across the city skyline, like a king surveying his kingdom. From the Chembur hills to the left to the metro tracks on the right, snaking through a crowded urban jungle. It was this thought that I carried with me as I rang the doorbell. One cup of steaming hot tea, bowlful of munchies and a nice how-was-the-day chat with Suni - I was looking forward to a quiet, chilled evening. The watch showed half-past 6.

As I stood waiting for the door to be opened, I suddenly heard something that sounded like a crowd barging towards the door. Before I could think, the door sprung open. Baani surfaced from behind it, which she was struggling to hold open (it's a pretty heavy wooden door and the monsoon breeze from the balcony was pushing it). Barely had she seen me, she shrieked with joy, "Daddy! My daddy!"

I hadn't expected her to be home. But I reckoned she hadn't gone downstairs to play due to the likelihood of rain.

"Hey darling. (I gave her a tight hug) How come you haven't gone anyplace to play today? Or are you going now?", I inquired.

"Daddy.. It is the rainy season. So my mamma has told me that it could rain any moment. So I shouldn't go downstairs to play (her lips pouted into that sad face kids make when they are faking sadness)."

"Oh ho. That is sad. Mamma said that, did she? But she is right, darling. So what are you doing about it then?"

"Daddy.. Since I cannot go down to play as it is the rainy season and it may rain any moment, I have called my friend Nandini to my home. Look look, here she is." And Nandini emerged from Baani's room.

"Well, hello Nandini. How are you, beta?", I said cheerfully and put my hand gently on her head.

Before Nandini could react, Baani screamed out, "Daddy! You know what Nandini did? I told her not to play with my Barbie mermaid because I was playing with her. I told her that she could play with the Elsa and Anna (for the uninitiated, they are the two sisters from the kiddie flick 'Frozen'). So she was playing with them.". She stopped to catch her breath.

"So.. what is the matter then, now?", I asked. Clearly Baani was pissed. Nandini was upset and stood as though guilty.

Baani continued, "Then.. Sometime later, I wanted to play with Elsa and Anna. But now Nandini says, she won't give them to me since she is playing with them. Daddy.. I told her it's my house and these are my toys."

And Baani had that sad-face pout once again.

I looked at Nandini who looked quite bewildered at the goings-on. I wasn't sure how she felt. She certainly didn't look hurt or angry. In fact, she had the it-happens-all-the-time look. Now, I really couldn't understand how serious this matter was. Baani can tend to over-dramatise things sometimes. It is one of those scenes again, I told myself.

"Okay okay.. Now both of you listen up.. Play with whatever you want to play and then share it after some time with each other. Okay? (Baani looked confused now, Nandini remained confused). Baani, since you have called Nandini home, you must share your toys with her. Okay? And Nandini, since you are older to Baani, share the toys with her too.. That is what elder children do. Okay?"

With this rather lame attempt at patching things up (I wasn't even sure if there was anything real to patch up), I gave the classic Daddy's-word-is-final look to both the girls. They both ran back into the Baani's room.

Sometime later, when I had changed and come out, I learnt from Anu (Baani's nanny) that Nandini had apparently cried and left. She had proclaimed that she would never come to Baani's home to play. And she added, that if Baani still wanted to play with her, she would have to go to Nandini's home. Baani of course, continued to play in her room with all her assorted dolls.

I resolved to speak to Baani about this the next day. I did not feel like taking this matter up that evening. With my cup of tea, and couple of chairs in the balcony, I managed to spend the evening the way I had envisioned :)

Next day, when I got home, Baani had just finished her dinner and was watching Dora scampering around Blueberry hill on TV. I had changed and returned to the living room, when I remembered that I wanted to ask about how things were with Nandini.

"Baani.. How was your day, honey?"

"It was good, Daddy.", she replied without looking at me. She was tracking Dora's progress intently.

I gestured her to put the TV off and talk to me. Rather reluctantly, she did so.

"So what happened with Nandini yesterday? What was all that fight about?"

"Fight? With Nandini? Oh.. yes.. Daddy.. You know.. (and then she recounted all that happened the previous day).. But now, we are friends again."

"You are friends again? What does that mean? (how conveniently kids sometimes leave out just the key part of a narrative!)"

"Daddy.. See.. I did not let her play yesterday. So, she wouldn't come to my place today to play."

I got that. What I did not get is how did Baani even expect Nandini to come, if invited. Anyway..

"And ..?", I asked.

"So, I went to her place to play."

Huh? What? That did not make sense. I was beginning to feel glad that I hadn't delved into this mess yesterday. Okay, so far so good. But how did the two make up?

"Since I didn't let her play with my dolls yesterday, today she didn't let me play with her dolls. So, I became very sad and cried."

And then?

"And then, my Anu didi explained everything to me.. So.. I said sorry to Nandini. And she forgave me. Then she said sorry to me. And I forgave her. And then she let me play with her dolls. Now, we are good friends again. That's it... Can I go back to watching Dora now? Pleeeeeease."

That's it? It was that simple?

"Sure honey, it is a good thing that you both are friends again." I surrendered, completely unable to impart any of the lessons I had planned to. I had no reason to do so, as the little crisis had simply been taken care of by the parties involved. Quite simplistically, I must admit.

How often have any of us sat back and reflected on the tiffs, arguments or the full-blown spats that we all are part of, from time to time? Why do these simmer for so long in some cases? Why do we need the mediation of an outsider to resolve issues? What compels us to hold grudges and misgivings about others, when a simple sorry from both sides could easily diffuse the tension?

There is a child in each of us. That wants to forgive and be forgiven. And move on.

After all, what good will holding on to yesterday, bring to our lives today anyway?

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Tuesday 19 July 2016

DATE NIGHT WITH MY PRINCESS.. & POLLY & MOLLY!

Our little girl is on the cusp of turning 5. Sounds like a milestone being crossed, doesn't it? For Baani, it surely is a big day in her life. She will get, among other presents (that she doesn't really care for much right now), her 14th Barbie doll. Or maybe 13th, I am not sure. But the important thing is - it will be a Barbie doll. She's excited about the party and her dress and her friends. But I think, she wouldn't miss them all that much as long she celebrates her birthday with her singing Barbie!

Sometimes it crosses my mind how simple children are. Despite all their wants and more wants, it really does not take much to satisfy a child. The desire for material things is an acquired characteristic which, I believe, stems from their surroundings and people around. The truth however, is that they can be so happy with so little, that you and I would be surprised. How can something so basic create so much joy in anyone?

I had a long day yesterday. It started with a hardcore workout at the gym, followed by a hearty conversation over lunch with couple of friends, followed by several hours spent on my laptop, followed by a drive back home through some thick evening traffic. I have realised that rains in Mumbai have a deeper psychological impact than a physical one. Everyone assumes that everyone else will leave early from work today. Hence, everyone leaves early and there are traffic snarls on most roads even in the late afternoon. I preferred not to be wise (but wiser!) and decided to step out a little late. Turned out, Mr. Murphy saw through my little plan and made me spend couple of hours on road anyway!

Eventually, I did get home, fatigued from the travel, only to find that Suni wasn't keeping well. She had had a tummy ache earlier in the day that had gradually deteriorated to a point where she went to bed early, without dinner. Baani had come from her evening play-time a while back and was hungry. Suni took a pill and hit the sack, while I heated the dinner for two. So, last night, Baani and I had dinner together. Just the two of us.

Somewhere in the middle of dinner, as we were watching Charlie Chaplin serenade a girl on television, Baani turned to me and said, "Daddy.. (pause) .. when we finish watching Charlie Chaplin, can I ask you to do one thing?".

I put the program on pause mode with the remote and turned to look at her, "Sure honey, what do you want to do?"

With eyes bigger than any I have seen, heavy with anticipation, she said, very slowly and coyly, "Daddy, will you play with me and my friends for a while? Polly and Molly."

"Polly and Molly?", I asked.

"Yes.. see, there they are. (she pointed to a place on the couch in the living room). They are having dinner too. But they are almost done. When they finish dessert, then they will join us."

I looked at Polly and Molly. Two cloth dolls (one blonde and one red-haired), poised demurely on two cushions and staring back expectantly at me. I looked back at Baani and said meekly, "Sure, we all shall play after dinner, darling."

Her face lit up with a glowing smile as she resumed her dinner. Polly and Molly continued to look at me while I went back to looking at Charlie the tramp.

Couple of minutes later, with the last of her spoonful of rice gobbled up (quite in a hurry, I thought) Baani asked me again, "Daddy, are you done?"


"No darling, another five minutes and I should be", I said, intently watching Charlie twisted into the teeth of a very large machinery in the black-and-white classic - Modern Times.

Two minutes later, I hear again, "Daddy.. Now?"

Slightly annoyed at the repeated interruption, I turned to look at Baani disapprovingly. What I saw instead was a much more disapproving Baani staring angrily at me, her hands tightly crossed across her chest.

"Is this how long you take to eat dinner, huh? It's been so long so since I have finished and you are busy watching TV and not eating!"

I felt a strong sense of deja vu. I had heard this comment before! It is how Suni or I scold Baani almost every night at dinner. Ooops!

The tirade continued, "Now.. you will take ages to finish your dinner. And then it will be time for Polly and Molly and me to go to bed. When will you play with us then? No, Daddy! Please eat your dinner quickly. We are waiting for you. I am going to wash my hands. You should be ready to play with us by the time I am back.". With that, she got up, signalling a definitive end to the monologue and stormed to the bathroom.

When she came back (after playing with the tap water for a considerably long time), I was done with my dinner and was chatting up with Polly and Molly. This time, Baani's face beamed with an even larger smile. I excused myself and quickly checked on Suni. She was fast asleep. Am glad, I thought, at least she's able to sleep peacefully after a really hard day with the stomach cramps.

Shutting the door quietly behind me, I joined Baani and her two girl-friends in playing.

We played quite a bit last night and had a lot of fun, laughing crazy and cracking silly jokes that no one else could possibly get. Sometimes, even I didn't get them. But they surely had Baani and Polly and Molly in splits. Baani told me that Molly is a huge fan of the kiddie cult movie 'Frozen' and that Polly loves heavy-duty EDM. Baani threw her voice for Molly and I did for Polly.

Both dolls boogie-woogied to 'Let it go' from the film and some serious heavy metal (courtesy me :)). Frankly, I thought it seemed a bit freaky at times, but Baani was ROTFL most of the time! All in all, the four of us got along like a house on fire :) It was an amazing way to end a long day and by the end of it, I felt quite refreshed!

Finally, being Daddy, I told Baani we would call it a day at 11PM. She agreed readily but asked for just 'one more little thing'.

"Daddy, can you read us Puss-in-Boots? Polly and Molly love little kittens and they have NEVER heard the story". She put Polly and Molly neatly on the cushions, facing me, and covered them with a little cotton towel (so they don't feel cold at night). Then she snuggled cozily into my lap. How can someone refuse so much cuteness?

So, I read Puss-in-Boots to the 3 girls. The evergreen story of the smart village kitten who strutted around town in leather  boots, impressed the King of the land, got his young and benevolent master married to the Princess to become Prince and spent his entire life with his master, in luxury in the large castle that he had wrestled from the Ogre through his canniness.

"And.. that is how Puss-in-Boots came to spend the rest of his days. The End... That is it, girls. The story of little Puss-in-Boots for you.", I ended as I closed the book.

There was no response. Baani was fast asleep on my lap. I am guessing Polly and Molly were too (they mirror whatever Baani does, as she claims). Though their eyes were open, with that constant smile across their fair, cotton-puffed faces.

Gently lifting Baani in my arms, I walked to her bedroom. Laying her on the bed, I covered her with the quilt and switched on the fan. I put down Polly and Molly next to her and covered them with part of the quilt too. Without opening her eyes, Baani turned on her side and said softly, "Goodnight Daddy. Good night Polly. Goodnight Molly."

"Goodnight sweetheart", I gave a soft peck on her cheek. Putting the light out, I left the door slightly ajar and tip-toed out of the room.  


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Want to know more about what your kid would really love you to do? Try this article: http://www.lifehack.org/articles/featured/the-top-10-things-children-really-want-their-parents-to-do-with-them.html